You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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