drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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