My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Randomize
