Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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