That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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