im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
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this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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