He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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