apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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