did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
