If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
