The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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