you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
