I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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