You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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