chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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