Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
