wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I have post one night stand depression
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
