Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize