dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
