RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
