"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
there is glitter all over my balls
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