Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
