Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
