the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
