in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
