:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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