i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
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a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
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Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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