im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Oh god it's open bar.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
