I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
