I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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