It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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