sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
