He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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