He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
