I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
