He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
