the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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