1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
