did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
