Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
