she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Randomize
