Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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