i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
