Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
