We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
