final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
