my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
