Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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