Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
