He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
