Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
