You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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