If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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