he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Randomize
