I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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