i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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