Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
