so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
