My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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