My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
