This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
