Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
