something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
