Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
