im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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