he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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