i would punch a child for taco bell
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
