"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
