If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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