she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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