4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
