I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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