Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
