This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
