I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
