yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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