they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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