somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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