im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
