i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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